Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. Minor clashes are part of life to her. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. I never expected to be a second wife. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Family Process. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. 3. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. But here I am, married to a man who was married before. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. 2006;52(1); 5-17. The world is their oyster. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. She told her a tragic story. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Khattak AK. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . composed of two imperfect people. "Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives - they were twins," she recalls. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. The co-wives were approached from their homes. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. It doesnt mean that it wont last. That kind of baggage can be detrimental to a second marriage and undermine any benefits of being the second wife. Can expand your gene pool. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. Journal of Moral Philosophy. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? 2014; 8-10. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? Why is it higher the second time around? Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. Social Change. His first marriage counted. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. 'I don't care about anything. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. My husband has two wives . What Is Marriage Coaching? It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. Mrs. Mustafa was another 1st wife. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. Marriage Counseling vs. However, several limitations exist. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. Archives of Women's Mental Health. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. But thats not how it works out for everyone. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. 2010;57(1): 121-127. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. Journal of Family Studies. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. But it's a hoax that has hit at least four countries to date . She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. 2. A record of 26 women was collected for polygamous families through snowball sampling for the availability of co-wives. The Journal of Social Psychology. It was an arranged marriage. Consent i s the keyword. Every possibility seems available to them. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. When people. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. Current Psychology. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. But the . My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . Being a step-parent can be a very . In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors.
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